wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
3pm strippers are depressing
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
