My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
