I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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