i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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