Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
