awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
