I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Randomize
