So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
How drunk are you?
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