the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
