MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
