You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
