I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
it glows. i had to have it.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
