Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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