fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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