oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
