Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
