Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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