I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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