he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
