I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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