Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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