As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
he high fived his dick after we had sex
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
