he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
