He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize