Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Just pee around me
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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