This dress was meant to end up on your floor
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
