Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
