I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
