i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
