Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
