Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
