A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
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