Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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