you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
