If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize