It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
