I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize