Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
