Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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