idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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