Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
