its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
