Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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