So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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