I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
