I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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