i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
