I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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