i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
