Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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