Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
