Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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