I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
