some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
nutella sex= disaster
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
