you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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