xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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