The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
please come you make the beer taste better
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
