I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
