His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Randomize
