I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize