good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Randomize
