Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
