Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
