Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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