the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
