I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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