I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
