Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
