Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
