I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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