feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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