That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I deserve this hangover.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
