all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
