Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
